I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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