fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize