I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
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There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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