I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Randomize