I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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