The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
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Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
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It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
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