so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
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he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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