There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I'm drive I can fine osifer
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
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Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
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it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize