She just used a chaser for red wine.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
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I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
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I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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