I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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