my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Randomize