I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
