wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
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He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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