So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize