Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
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