We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
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OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
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but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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