We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
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Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
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Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
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