you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize