guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize