hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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