What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
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I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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