I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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