Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
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