I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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