he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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