I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
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You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
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Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Is Oprah even human
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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