Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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