break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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