did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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