I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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