Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Randomize