This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
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We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
How external is "for external use only"?
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I'm too high and old for this...
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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