my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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