So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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