how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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