the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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