I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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