every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
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