I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
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There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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