I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
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I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
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I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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