She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
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BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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