ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
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i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
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You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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