I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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