this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize