zippers are such a cool invention
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
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My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
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P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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