he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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