Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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