Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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