You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
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