This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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